it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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