I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
