Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
