The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
