operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
