Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
