Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
