You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
