I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
