sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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