it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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