I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
