My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
