So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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