i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
