cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My vagina just recognized that song.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
