you guys were way drunker than both of me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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