she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
