I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
