a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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