I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
don't judge my taste in strippers
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
