is your mom at the bar?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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