My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
