It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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