How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
