I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
