OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you had me at cake vodka
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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