id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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