I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You had me at "let me see your balls"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
