whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
