Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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