Yo dont text me then not text me
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
