no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
