you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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