i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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