I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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