When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
