I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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