Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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