I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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