The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
