At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
