The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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