If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
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He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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