at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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