my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
