The maid of honor just puked.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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