can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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