I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize