Farmville is her only friend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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