If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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