I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
