i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
