I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Someone shit on the floor
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
