he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
