sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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