Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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