What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
